When I was in my late teens say seventeen or eighteen, I was introduced to this guy by a friend of man. He was big, charismatic, funny, drove nice cars but ultimately, a bad boy! He made his living off of 419 also known as fraudulent activities. At that age though I have to say, he was the guy. He used to come and pick me up from college in one sports car or another, take me shopping on occasion and every guy respected him (out of fear of course). At ne point he was even given me money to spend or keep for him just in case...
I look back now and think yes, every girl wants a bad boy at one point in her life but what the hell was I thinking and what do we say about the ladies in their mid to late twenties that are still dating this kind of bad boy. Is it the prestige they want, the "lavish" lifestyle (i say lavish because if he is hood there is only so much ghetto fabulous he can give you which can be perceived as lavish), the money, or the man they want?
I recently bumped into my former teenage fling and my oh my was it insightful. He describes his occupation as a 9-5 job. Has even bought a house and started two businesses from this very occupation and says he has further dreams to achieve whilst in this occupation. At one point in the conversation he even said to me "times are hard you know and its a double dip recession" I laughed uncontrollably thinking what do you know about recession if your subsistence is coming from people that are actually going through hard times. After bumping into him I was left in a very reflective mood. What of this woman that currently dates this man and says she is in a "serious" relationship.
Correct me if I am wrong but when a woman enters a relationship with a man, she must see qualities and attributes in him that she admires and would ultimately want to instill in her children. So she is looking for love, kindness, loyalty, honesty, integrity, ambition and hard work to name a few. So how does a woman end up with a man that is the very opposite of that? A man who makes his living by stealing from someone elses pocket which is what fraud/theft is essentially, has no moral compass. Or does he? For the purpose of this article I am not going to indulge in cliche and should i say flimsy excuses of 'he had a hard life and that was his way out and he has made something of himself', no, I will just focus on the intent. He takes from someone elses pocket so he is a thief. He does it repeatedly so he is greedy. He does not explore alternative methods of funding himself so he is lazy. He makes numerous enemies by cheating people through the processes so he becomes ruthless, careless and money hungry. By dating you which ultimately makes you an accomplice to his crimes he becomes selfish and many other other things... So why are you with him?
Is it the money or the prestige Personally my moral compass is in the right direction so I feel, and so it is impossible for me to endorse such behavior in a man let alone find myself in a relationship with him. Apart from the fact that I will not be able to tell my mother of his occupation and stand beside this man proud to be his woman, I am too damn shallow and out right embarrassed to be part of a police raid. That is my worst nightmare I shame too easy for such! Can you imagine it? The ground can just swallow me now from the thought of it. But more importantly, I will find it near enough impossible to bring my relationship before God and pray for any blessings upon him besides God protect him.
When a woman loves as in really loves, she wants to bring out the best in a man. She wants to love him as and, more than she loves herself. She wants the best for him. By endorsing a life funded by 419 are you really loving this man? If you loved him you would want him to do right by himself, right by you,right by your future and right by God...
Perhaps its too broad a question and I tire of writing butt if you really love this man, then why are you with him presently? And if you are not forcing that change then are you passing time or one day hoping he will change or this is the future you are investing in?
Food for thought
xxx
DF
